Saturday, November 6, 2010

Samantha Fox

Yippee.  Another Saturday...

For the second night in a row, I had the type of dreams that make me suspect my dinner had been tainted with mind-altering substances.  Luckily, last night's episode was a little less terrifying, unless you find big 80's hair frightening.

In short, I was going to a concert, the type where legends of the past try to recapture their youth by performing their hits from previous decades.  My "legend" was Samantha Fox.

For all the young whippersnappers out there who may be unfamiliar with Ms. Fox, I'll provide a little background.  Samantha Fox was a British import who soared to popularity in the mid-1980's.  Long before the paparazzi captured Britney and Paris flashing their beavers, Samantha Fox was proudly displaying her ginormous jugs as a Page 3 girl in England.  Somehow this led to a singing career, and the rest is history.  It seems rather tame now, but at the time she was a bit scandalous.

Her first huge single was "Touch Me", and was followed by quality hits like "Naughty Girls (Need Love Too)".  The songs, her singing, and outfits were all a bit suspect, but the accompanying music videos were nothing short of soft-core porn for young adolescent boys.  I know what you're thinking, but I'm speaking of an era long before the Internet.

Getting back to my dream, Samantha Fox was performing her hit "Touch Me".  She was quite good, still looked, um, foxy (no pun intended), but had traded in her tarty bare-ass-ripped-jeans for a more conservative Alexis Carrington business suit.  She never really stayed on-stage, but instead mingled throughout the audience while performing.

She of course stopped with me and chatted me up a bit.  Luckily, I'm prepared even in my dreams, and I was able to produce a black Sharpie so that she could sign the Samantha Fox t-shirt I had purchased.  I also happened to be wearing a horizontal striped Polo shirt (which would never happen in reality).  I thought it would be perfect for her to sign in the white stripe, but she protested, saying (in a very sexy accent) that she could not deface Polo .

After the show, I got to go backstage, where I sat on a couch and had a long and meaningful conversation with Naomi Judd.

So below is the video that started it all.  Check out that hair...

In other Saturday news, I just returned from getting my car serviced.  I had my oil changed, tires aligned, and also discovered that my washer fluid pump needs replacing.  I cannot live without that, but the part is on order.  At least I know where I'll be next Saturday morning.

The whole trip took entirely too long, but the wait did give me the opportunity to run over to the neighboring McDonald's.  I've been looking for an excuse and opportunity to indulge in that BBQ-sauce-soaked mystery meat known as a McRib.

Can I hear a big McFuckYeah?!?!

Now I'm home and watching football.  Clemson is losing.  Good times.

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