Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Rainy Tuesday

I hope no one is overly tired on this Tuesday evening because I'm about to put you to sleep.

I have absolutely nothing of interest to report.  No witty observations regarding the world, real or televised.

I fell asleep so early last night after chatting with Tonya, I completely missed my Housewife repeat.  I feel so out of touch with NeNe.  And I had to hear second-hand that Kim Is preggers with one of the Atlanta Falcon football player's bastard child.  Bless her heart.

Today was another trying day at work.  It was pretty dreary.  I think cold weather is on the way, so bye bye 70 degree days.  I think winter may finally set in.

On the bright side, tomorrow is Hump Day.  If I can only make it past my tortuous mid-morning conference call...

Monday, November 29, 2010


I'm already getting depressed that the season finale of "Dexter" is quickly approaching.  It just keeps getting better and better.

In all of my years of watching this show, this is the first time that I'm really seeing Dexter as a human being.  Still a serial killer, but still human.  Even his courtship and marriage to Rita didn't come close to what's currently going on between him and Lumen.  The schoolboy look on his face every time he's around her is priceless.

So the dynamic duo finally tracked down the remaining bad guy last night and Lumen did the deed by offing him.  Apparently that was a big turn-on for both of them, because they ended up sleeping together.  Different strokes for different folks, as numerous relatives of mine would say.  Now they only have Jordan Chase to take care of.

Nancy Drew, I mean Deb, is piecing together that a former victim turned-vigilante is now offing the victims.  I'm very interested to see how Dexter and Lumen avoid being discovered.  My instinct tells me that Lumen can't stay around for long though.  And I'm really starting to like her.

My favorite serial killer show was followed by another excellent episode of my favorite new zombie show.  Next week is the finale, so I'll have to do without at least until next summer.

The latest episode dealt with the bloodbath aftermath and the group leaving camp.  One of the guys was bitten by a zombie, so they're taking him to the CDC.  Seems like a logical move since they're in Atlanta.  Unfortunately, he wasn't taking the ride very well, so he requested to be dumped off along the road.

When they finally reached the CDC, it appeared that there was a lone survivor holed up inside.  The ending saw him opening up the doors to let the group in just in time to avoid zombie attack.  Nice move.

So that's it as far a TV goes.  Just another manic Monday.  I'm still working technically, but just thought I'd take a break to update my blog and count down the days until the cruise.  Because I'm dedicated like that.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Palmetto State Champions

Another great weekend for Gamecock football!!!  South Carolina easily handled Clemson last night 29-7.  It was a great performance going into Saturday's SEC Championship game against Auburn.

In other weekend sports news:
  • All I can say about Auburn is that I hope their luck has run out.  What a game against Alabama.  Hopefully the Gamecocks can do a better job of containing Scam Newton this time.
  • Glad to finally be able to say "Told ya so" re: Boise State.
  • 10 bowl eligible SEC teams once again.  Who says they are not the premiere conference in college sports?  That's right, no one.
  • Roger Federer just defeated Rafael Nadal for the year-end tennis championship in London.  Boo.  Oh well, Rafa has had a great year.  Here's hoping he can continue his Grand Slam success going into Melbourne at the Australian Open.  Which, by the way, Serena just withdrew from.  Who's going to step up and rescue the women's game?

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Holiday Miracle


With all the hoopla surrounding the new baby, I almost forgot about one of the most exciting events to occur during Thanksgiving with the parents.

Wait for it...

My Dad openly admitted his INTENSE dislike of Sarah Palin.  (But stated a little less eloquently.)

After I picked my jaw up off the floor, I immediately thanked the Baby Jesus for the early Christmas miracle.  Maybe I hadn't been switched at birth after all, as I've always strongly suspected.

I probably shouldn't have been so surprised with this revelation though.  In general, my Dad's dislike of the majority of humans is greater than mine.  I know what you're thinking, that's saying a lot, but it's true.  Ask anyone.

Friday, November 26, 2010

Video of the Day

It's seems that 3 am is the witching hour for me lately.  Between Baby Jay-Z and daily work stress, night after night, I tend to wake up right about this time.

Last night in my sleep-deprived stupor while feeding the baby, I was reminded of a much simpler time when 3 am had a more fun-filled meaning.  3 am eternal to be exact.

Those of you still around from the 90's will be familiar with the club phenom known as The KLF.  And those who frequented the Matrix in Columbia would have witnessed me rocking that mother out to their various tunes of the time.  Yes, that was me dancing on the speakers with Allison, Les, Laura, Tonya, and Eric.  Dressed to kill in unfortunate ensembles such as white biker shorts paired with Orange OP booty shorts.

Picking one KLF song is more difficult than Sophie's Choice, so I've chosen 3 for your listening pleasure.

"3 AM Eternal" got me started on this tangent.  "Last Train to Trancentral" was my favorite ass-shaking groove.  And finally, who didn't love "Justified and Ancient" with Tammy Wynette?   Enjoy...

10 Things Everyone Should Know About Clemson

In anticipation of tomorrow night's annual rivalry game between the Awesome South Carolina Gamecocks and the douchebag Clemson tigers, it's time to talk some trash.  The game will be televised on ESPN2 with kick-off at 7 pm Eastern time.

These are things the whole world should know about Clemson:

  1. They suck.  In too many ways and for too many reasons to fully document on this blog.  Just trust me.
  2. They wear ugly colors - orange and purple.  Who the hell came up with that?  A 5 year-old obsessed with Popsicles?
  3. Their coach has a dumb name (Dabo), as well as a certain inbred look.
  4. Their fans are stupid and illiterate.
  5. They are located near Greenville.  Gross.
  6. Tiger for a mascot?  Play in Death Valley?  "Tiger Rag" for a fight song?  Sounds like somebody gave up on originality and ripped off LSU.
  7. They play in a weak and dumb conference.  The ACC.
  8. The name Clemson is just stupid.
  9. IPTAY = I Plant Taters All Year.  Who other than a bunch of hick farmers would display a bumper sticker like that on their vehicle?  Save it for the tractor.
  10. There are high schools with higher academic standards.
I'm happy I could educate everyone regarding this matter.  I hope it helps.

Go Cocks!

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Gobble Gobble

It's Turkey Lurkey time...

Happy Thanksgiving!  I just returned home from a very eventful visit to Columbia.

Little Jay-Z babysat me last night.  We had an awesome time!  She's quite a little character - cute as a little bug and definitely knows how to get what she wants.  She's constantly making noise and squirming, which may be a bad omen for the future, but for now it's pretty darned entertaining.  Which is good, because she doesn't really know any other tricks yet.

Unfortunately, the little vixen woke me up at 3:30 am babbling about something.  I changed a diaper (a #1 thankfully), but I never really got back to sleep after that.

We started out this morning by watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade.  That didn't interest her very much, so we switched to "Keeping Up With the Kardashians".  Score!!!  I already have her hooked on reality TV.
Babies are really needy.  I guess I always discounted the horror stories from new parents.  But damn, all that holding, feeding, burping, changing, etc.  My ass is TIRED!

Aside from the baby, everyone else had a nice visit.  We all ate way too much food.  Little Jay-Z's papa, my bro-in-law Big Jay-Z had about 100 bananas.  Long story.  But it was a good excuse for me to make banana pudding.

But enough about that...PICTURES!

Jaylee getting ready to rock her Thanksgiving couture...

This baby has the longest fingers and toes.  She reminds me of a little spider monkey.

Just woke up and ready for some food.

Isn't her little turkey hat ghetto-fabulous?

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

On Holiday

I am officially on holiday!  Yay!  I just finished with my last call for the day and am wrapping up.

Hopefully I can get on the road soon the make the short drive to Columbia before traffic gets heavy.  I think my little sister has had a change of heart and little Jay-Z may be baby-sitting me for the night.  I'm so excited.

Happy holidays to everyone.  I'll be back tomorrow, stuffed like a turkey, and with plenty of entertaining stories from the sticks.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010


This may be my briefest posting ever.  Depending on your level of interest in my life or opinions, that may or may not be a good thing.

I'm so exhausted.  I went to bed around 10 pm last night without engaging in any quality television viewing.  My reward was awakening at 3 am and not being able to go back to sleep.  That is the most miserable feeling in the world, watching the clock slowly tick towards 6 am, knowing that there's a full day of work drama ahead.  Dead man walking.

It was a long one, but the day finally passed.  I'm now doing some laundry, trying my best to stay awake until an acceptable hour.  I'm still trying to decide if I want to leave tomorrow evening to spend with the family, or get up early to make the trip Thursday morning.  It's only an hour and a half trip, but I really don't fancy sitting on the interstate with the rest of the holiday travelers.

I guess we'll just see how my mood is tomorrow afternoon.

In other news, it looks like Prince William and Kate will have to live without my presence in their country during their wedding.  I just cannot see making an April trip to London.  But once again, we'll see how my mood is at a later date...

Monday, November 22, 2010

Sunday Viewing

Despite the fact that Sunday evenings are depressing in that they are the final day of the weekend, they have become by far the best night of the week for TV viewing.

New Jersey salon workers, serial killers, and zombies.  I don't know which are scariest.

I watched "Jerseylicious" for the first time in weeks.  I was not disappointed by the sheer ridiculousness of their misadventures.  The highlight of the episode surrounded Olivia finally realizing her dream of getting a boob job, and then freaking out right before the surgery.  Chicken.  Cutlets.

"Dexter" was pretty ho-hum for the majority of the episode.  That little brat Astor was back and stirring up trouble.  The Hallmark moment of the night came when Dexter professed fatherly love for the wayward pre-teen and they both made nice.  I was getting seriously upset that no one had been slaughtered.  Luckily, the episode ended with Angelina Jolie's ex-husband (Jordan Chase on the show) calling the old house.  Lumen answered, Jordan left a tell-tale "your life is ticking away" message, and then gave away that he knew who she was.  Apparently, Dexter wasn't sneaky enough when he stole a blood sample from the necklace inside Jordan's gym locker.

I realize how crazy my brief recaps must sound to anyone unfamiliar with the show.  All the better reason to tune in, people!

"The Walking Dead" was awesome as usual.  The group made it back to Atlanta, got their guns, but then got into a serious rumble with another group of survivors.  We later found out that the new group was not a random street gang, but survivors and workers from a retirement home.  Sweet --- the old people lived!!!

Unfortunately, while all of that was happening in the city, the zombies were secretly approaching the other country camp.  The episode ended with flesh-eating mayhem.  Rick and the group arrived back just in time to get in on the action and shoot all of the zombies.  Alas, it was too little, too late, and some of our favorite characters (whose names I had not even had a chance to learn) were eaten.

Two more episodes left, and then it's wait until fall for Season 2.

On the bright side, I just saw that "Nurse Jackie" is filming, so at least there will be a suitable replacement.  It's like the circle of life, TV program style...

Aside from TV, it was a pretty shitty Monday at work.  I hope everyone else had a better day.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Harry Potter

I was fully prepared to write a scathing review of "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1", but believe it or not, even I am wrong sometimes.

This movie kicks ass!  I was originally only seeing it out of a sense of obligation.  Afterall, it would be stupid to watch half a dozen films worth of foreplay and then suddenly tune out for the moneyshot.  I'd also grown tired of feeling like I was betraying my age and seeing a kiddie film with multi-millionaire child actors.

But for the first time, this actually almost had the look and feel of an adult film.  Even the central trio are coming into their own acting-wise.  I honestly had not expected to say that, but critique be damned.

I won't spoil the plot or major events, although I seem to be the only person in the world who has not read the books.  I will just say that there is one event near the end that left me devastated and near tears, and even angrier for feeling so.  Helena Bonham Carter, you Palin-esque bitch, you really have it coming!  And that's all I'm saying.

In other news, it's a lovely Charleston Sunday, 72 degrees and sunny.  I'm not very happy about Monday coming around so quickly, but the short holiday week will hopefully make things bearable.  I feel bad for my readers in other parts of the world who are not able to celebrate Thanksgiving.  I understand that Pilgrims are not a global concept, but being thankful for friends, family, and food should be.  Start celebrating today!

Saturday, November 20, 2010


My efforts to sleep late on a Saturday were derailed this morning when I awoke at 5 am and could not get back to sleep.  Perhaps my body was revolting against being in my own bed.  Maybe it was my almost 40 year-old bladder betraying me.  Whatever the reason, I was pretty pissed off. 

The lack of quality television at that hour (infomercials galore) is shocking, but I had a blast from the past when I discovered "Addams Family Values" on HBO.  Christina Ricci and her Native American revolt against the Pilgrims at summer camp is still hilarious after all these years.

The rest of the day was pretty uneventful.  There weren't really any interesting football games scheduled.  The Gamecocks beat Troy by a pretty big margin, 69-24, but that outcome wasn't a huge surprise.  I'm just glad they didn't derail themselves in looking ahead to the Clemson game next weekend.  I can't wait for that one.

I just returned from my weekly meal at Long Point Grill.  I really should make that my last meal before Thanksgiving, or I will be mistaken for a Butterball turkey  At least I changed things up a big this week and had the Mac and Cheese.

I think I might go and see the latest Harry Potter flick tomorrow.  I'm really a bit over that series, but feel obligated since I've invested so much time in those films up to this point.  Then again, opening weekend might not be the wisest time.  I'd hate to be the oldest person in the theatre.  Arg.

I haven't bitched about Sarah Palin lately.  Still can't stand the slag, just in case anyone was wondering.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Home Sweet Home

Home at last!

It was a great ending to the week.  I visited the South Charlotte office and caught up with quite a few work buddies.  We had an excellent pre-Thanksgiving feast.  I ate entirely too much, but felt obligated to try a little bit of everything.  It was the polite thing to do.

Fortunately, I was able to leave the office around 2:30 pm, before the post-meal fatigue set in.  3.5 hours and a tank of gas later, and I arrived back home.  Jasper and Fletcher were very excited to see their Daddy.

It's 7:43 pm.  I've gone through all of my mail, which is my favorite post-trip activity, and I'm now trying to resist the urge to crawl into bed.  I want to get a jump start on a nice 10 hour sleep in my
OWN bed.  I deserve it.  I doubt I'll even leave home tomorrow.  Just a nice relaxing day of watching football on the couch.  This weekend has the added bonus of knowing that I only have 3 workdays next week until the holiday!  Holidays RULE!

Thursday, November 18, 2010

One more day...

...until I get to go home!

It's been such a long week.  I've already ironed clothes for tomorrow, packed, and ordered room service.  I guess it's pretty obvious that I'm ready to get the hell out of town.  Nothing much left to do except get a good night's rest.

We're having Turkey Day in the office tomorrow.  I've always been taught that it's not polite to eat and run, but I fully intend on doing just that so that I can get home at a decent hour.  I plan on not being naughty and adhering to my diet, otherwise it will be a miserable 4 hour drive home.

Hmmm, not much on TV tonight.  Not sure how I'm going to entertain myself for 3 more hours.  I should go downstairs and workout, but I'm not feeling that motivated.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Video of the Day

My obsession with Hump Day continues...

Whatcha gonna do with all that junk?

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Royal Excitement

Greetings from the Queen City!  The picture above is the view from my hotel room.  I seem to get Room 415 each time I visit; I'm beginning to feel like they should name it the Kevin Suite.  Anywho, as you can probably see from the picture, it's a bit dreary and damp here.  I was in the office from 8 am to 6 pm today, so it's not like the weather has hampered any afterwork activities.

Speaking of Queens, royalty, and such, I was very excited to hear the official announcement of the engagement of Prince William and Kate Middleton.  Although the exact date is yet to be announced, I fully intend to travel to London for the event.  If they could please consider scheduling the nuptials sometime during Wimbledon, that would be super.  Thanks in advance for your consideration, Prince William and Kate.

I know it probably seems a bit bizarre that I would want to travel overseas just to stand on the side of the road with a bunch of strangers to watch a royal carriage pass by, but I've always been a bit obsessed with the British royal family.  Growing up in South Carolina, the very idea of royalty was the most foreign concept, and truly the stuff of imagination and fairytales.

When I was in second grade, I was captivated by the wedding of Prince Charles and Princess Diana.  I attended daycare at the time, and my little friends and I celebrated the nuptials by staging our very own recreation of the event.  Of course I was Prince Charles, and my childhood girlfriend, Becky Jones, was Princess Diana.

The bride stole a blanket from the nursery to substitute for a veil.  I very clearly recall wearing navy blue shorts, which I thought a smart choice since it resembled a more casual version of the groom's royal uniform.  My attire was completed by placing a croquet mallet through a belt loop.  Back in the day, that was the closest thing to a sabre I could find.

Fortunately, that was the closest I've ever come to getting hitched.  Although this is South Carolina, I'm fairly certain that the marriage isn't official.  I hope that's the case, as my child bride has since married another and I'd hate to be part of a polygamist relationship.  Then again, I might potentially be eligible for a spin-off of "Sister Wives" and finally realize my dream of having my very own reality show.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Monday in N.C.

Greetings from Charlotte, the Queen City of the South, where I will be spending the next 5 days of my life.  I got an early start this morning, so I arrived in the office a little after noon. 

En route, I had the pleasure of dining at the Chick-fil-a in Rock Hill, South Carolina.  The manager was going on and on about Saturday's South Carolina-Florida game, and how we should have a really good chance of beating Auburn if we can just manage to inflict a slight concussion on their quarterback.  Classy!  I'd hate to see what he does to fussy customers.

I'm in my hotel room now.  I just finished the ironing, and am trying to stay awake for a few more hours before crashing.  Of course I'm ass-tired because there was entirely too much quality television on last night.

"Dexter" is becoming quite juicy.  Cole was the latest victim of Dexter and Lumen's twisted vengeance.  I honestly thought the two of them were going to have sex after plunging a knife into the fella.  Which would have been gross.  But there if definitely mounting chemistry between the two.  Will the writers allow Dexter to find true happiness or companionship?  I doubt it, but it certainly takes away from the whole Trinity-just-slaughtered-my-wife pity party.

The aftermath of last week's club shooting resulting in Debra being thrown under the bus by LaGuerta.  Batista is saying he will back Deb and help set the record straight, going against his wife.  That probably will not go over very well at home, but the bitch has it coming.  Gauntlets have been thrown.

My newest favorite show, "The Walking Dead", did not disappoint either.  The group from downtown Atlanta safely made it back to the other camp.  Whew!  I was worried.

Deputy Rick was reunited with his cheating wife and their son, who were part of the Stone Mountain survivor group.  What a coincidence it all turned out to be, but I'm letting that slide.  Unfortunately the reunion was short-lived, because Rick decided that the drug-addicted racist they left handcuffed to the top of a building needed to be rescued.  Screw that.   They also wanted to get the firearm stash Rick dropped when zombies attacked his horse back in Episode 1, so I suppose the return trip really was warranted.

It know, it all sounds so ridiculous, but it plays out better on the small screen.  My narrative does not do it justice.  This really is the best show on TV, and the thought of only 3 more new episodes is already depressing me.

I should go back to watching trashy housewives on Bravo.  I don't get nearly as emotionally attached to them.  Sorry, NeNe.

I hope Sarah Palin's reality show, which premiered last night on TLC, was a flopp.  I'm encouraged by the news that 52 percent of Americans have an unfavorable opinion of her according to a recent Gallup poll.  There is hope afterall.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

The Chicken Curse is Dead

Even better than winning the East is this breaking news...

Morris: It’s official - ‘The Chicken Curse’ is dead

An SEC title within reach for Gamecocks | The Post and Courier, Charleston SC - News, Sports, Entertainment

What a great night! The Cocks pulled off a spectacular performance against the Gators. After years of waiting, we're finally going to Atlanta. Add this to the growing list of firsts this year--beating Kentucky in basketball, winning the CWS in baseball, and beating then #1 ranked Alabama. Now we just have to beat Troy and put Clemson in their place before the big re-match with Auburn.

An SEC title within reach for Gamecocks The Post and Courier, Charleston SC - News, Sports, Entertainment

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Go Cocks!

What a beautiful Saturday!

I had to wake up entirely too early to get to the Honda dealership for my 8 am appointment.  Somehow I was able to make it on time.  Unfortunately, I was there for almost an hour and a half.  I feel like I've spent major portions of my last two weekends getting that car serviced.  As a result, I stopped by the VW dealership on the way home.  The new Jetta SportWagens are so cute!  My car is only a year old, but I'm so tempted to trade.  I miss the reliability of German engineering.

After leaving the dealership, I stopped by Petco.  It was doggy adoption day.  I should have turned around, because it was quite upsetting.  The puppies are cute, but I really feel horrible for the older dogs who probably will not find homes.  I wish I had acreage in the country so that I could rescue all of them.  Instead, I just stopped at each cage, let them lick my fingers, and scratched their heads.  I hope that provided a little bit of love.

By the time I finally returned home, Jasper and Fletcher were feeling abandoned.  Somehow, they know when it's the weekend and time for their morning ride to Starbucks.  That came a little late today.  Fletcher was pretty PISSED that he did not get his usual treat from the drive through employee.

All of this pre-noon activity rendered me exhausted, and I spent most of the afternoon napping.  Boone Hall plantation was having a Civil War re-enactment across the street, so the occasional sound of canonfire kept waking me up.

I'm just now watching my first football game of the day.  South Carolina is playing Florida.  Go Cocks!  Keep your fingers crossed.

I almost forgot--nancyboy Roger Federer was beaten in the Paris Masters tournament today.  Yay!  Congrats, Monfils.  It's about time you whipped up on the Fed.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Another week down...

Hell's Bells.  I made it through another work week.  A few more grey hairs, but no major injuries.  I plan to totally relax this weekend--it's off to Charlotte Monday morning for an entire week of banking fun.  It will be my longest business trip in quite a while.

Unfortunately, I have to get myself going pretty early tomorrow morning for Round 2 of car service.  Damned Honda.  But after that, it's back home for a nice relaxing day of football.

The South Carolina-Florida game is getting a lot of attention locally.  You'd think they were playing for the national championship instead of a spot in the SEC Championship game.   I'm keeping my mouth shut for fear of jinxing the Gamecocks. Can't lick out cocks.

I just read that Imperial Queen Bitch of the Universe Sarah Palin is planning a visit to Columbia to promote her upcoming book.  Is it possible for me to get a restraining order that prevents her from coming within a 150 mile radius of me or my home?

Her little no-talent tramp daughter, Bristol, is reportedly still in the running on "Dancing With the Stars".  Not that I watch or anything, but always looking for a good opportunity to dog the Palins.

It's only 7:13, but I've already had my weekly dose of Long Point Grill.   I could go to sleep right now...but won't.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Happy Veterans Day

While I might not always completely agree with the politics or cause, I'm thankful for the sacrifice of those who serve.  At least we can all be united in that.  Happy Veterans Day!

In less serious business (my specialty), it's Friday Eve and I couldn't be more excited---unless it were Christmas of course.  As usual my mind is focused on food, and on beginning the weekend with a good binge.  Decision, decisions.  Fire up the fryer, Sally and Danielle!

So for my thoughts of the day:

  • I'm happy to hear about the cruise passengers finally making it safely back to shore.  As recounted in my last post, been there, done that, so I've enjoyed commiserating with some of the stories.  At the same time, I just keep thinking that, at the end of the day, everyone should be thankful that no one was harmed.  I mean honestly, there have been maritime disasters in which the victims would have gladly traded air-conditioning in exchange for spared lives.  Perspective. Don't make me post Celine Dion as my Video of the Day
  • I watched the second episode of "The Walking Dead" last night.  I cannot stress enough how EXCELLENT this show is.  There are only 6 episodes in the season, but I hear they've already renewed it for a second.  What does it say about me that my current favorite shows are about zombies and serial killers (Dexter).  I'm normal, honest.  They're just so unexpectedly gripping. 
  • 7 hours of conference calls today.  Approaching a record.
  • Today I had a talk with a friend who has found a lot of happiness recently.  Which makes even a grinch like me smile inside.  Sometimes it just makes you feel so good to share and be a part of the joy others are experiencing.  I guess that's what friendship is about.  Ugh, I sound like a greeting card.

On that note, I'll sign off before I ruin my snarky image.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Video of the Day

Pronounced with an Umpty...

In honor of Hump Day, I fully encourage everyone to celebrate by perfomring the Humpty Dance.

And FYI, I worked at Hardee's in high school, but I never got busy in the bathroom.  That's just gross.

Hump Day

Greetings from the friendliest city in the universe!  Or something like that.

And Happy Wednesday!  As expected, it was pretty grueling, but there's still the satisfaction of knowing that it's all downhill from here.

Things could definitely be worse---I could be stuck on a cruiseship floating in the middle of the ocean without air conditioning.  Oh wait, been there done that, on the Norwegian Majesty a few Christmases ago.  Luckily, that leaky old tugboat lost power just off the coast of Ft. Lauderdale on the return trip back to Charleston, so the overall vacation was spared.

The folks on the Carnival ship currently drifting off the coast of Baja California aren't so lucky.  Their ship lost power just a couple of days into their cruise, and unlike my trip, they are unable to return to port on under their own power.  The conditions cannot be spectacular, but honestly, I'm thinking I might not mind sleeping out on deck about now.  As for the lack of hot food, binge-eating on cruises is not healthy anyway, so the fat-ass rednecks could probably do with skipping a meal or two.  (I speak from experience).

From what I hear, Carnival is handling the situation spectacularly.  Full refunds and a free future cruise.  All Norwegian offered was 20 percent off of a future cruise.  As if, bastards.  Boycotted them ever since.

In other random news, George W. Bush and Kanye West made up on the "Today" show this morning.  Who cares!!!  W. is becoming about as unwelcome as a coldsore (or Sarah Palin).  Go away already!!!  I had to listen to you for 8 years.  Sorry to alienate by Republican audience so soon after my post-election Sarah Palin tirade, but I've never been one to self-censor for approval.  Will compromise and continue avoiding the c-word.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Magazine names Charleston friendliest US city | The Post and Courier, Charleston SC - News, Sports, Entertainment

This is pretty exciting...now everyone has an excuse to visit Charleston. As if seeing me is not enough incentive!

Magazine names Charleston friendliest US city The Post and Courier, Charleston SC - News, Sports, Entertainment


Has everyone gone out and bought George W. Bush's book that was released today?

I didn't think so.

Unfortunately, that's been the most exciting thing going on this Tuesday.  Why are Tuesdays so dreadful lately?  On one hand, they have a little less of the dread offered by Monday.  But then they have none of the mental benefits of knowing that it is Hump Day, or the winding down of the week.

Tuesday just lacks character.

Big conference call with the groups from Mexico, Colombia, Chile, and Brazil tomorrow.  I still think work should ante up the money to send me down there for a few weeks.  That would surely beat some of the business trips I've been sent out on.  Cities to remain nameless to protect the less fortunate.

Congrats to an anonymous (for now) friend who just took a huge professional leap today.  You heard it here first.

I'm sorry for such a boring post today---I aspire to be more interesting tomorrow.  Maybe I'll have some cracked-out dreams tonight.  Until then, have a good night...

Monday, November 8, 2010

Sunday Slug

My entire Sunday afternoon was spent in a catatonic state on the couch watching TV.  From afternoon until bedtime.  I'm too embarrassed actually count the hours and say aloud.

I finally got around to watching the premiere episode of "The Walking Dead".  I actually thought it was quite good.  A bit slow at times, but necessary for background and buildup.  The scene where the deputy guy was in downtown Atlanta and trying to escape the zombies by crawling under a tank was the only thing that got me on my feet all afternoon.  Maybe by next weekend I will learn the character names.

I'm not sure if I'll continue watching this show as it's on AMC.  Luckily that's offered on Comcast On Demand, so there may be hope.

I've abandoned "Jerseylicious" for the past few weeks, but caught the episode where Alexa the Tit Fairy takes Olivia, Tracey, and Gigi to Houston for a Glam Fairy wedding.  Yes, I know it sounds ridiculous.  And it is.  But I still recommend watching this.  If only for the fact that there are grown women who go through life selling their services as "Glam Fairies".  I'm sure they'd be selling something no matter what.

Last night's episode of "Dexter" was excellent as always.  The latest revelation was that Angelina Jolie's first husband, playing the motivational speaker worshipped by the now-deceased Boyd, was part of the gang that tormented Lumen.  As it turns out, all of the bad guys were high school friends.

That's just weird.  I thought I grew up surrounded by strangeness, but my friends and I ran cross country and took Advanced Placement classes.  There was no kidnapping of blondes and placing them in barrels.  I guess I had a more normal childhood than I previously suspected.

There was more Santa Muerta drama, as the sting to catch the two brothers in da club resulted in a big shootout.  Deb popped a cap right in machete guy's head, so all was not lost.  LaGuerta is going to be in some hot water though.  Is my hood-speak convincing?

I still haven't figured out what's going to happen with her (LaGuerta), or creepy Irish nanny for that matter.  Creepy Irish nanny is leaving religious idols around the house to watch over Harrison.  Poor lady has no idea, that baby does not have genetics on his side, so it's going to take a lot more than that to keep him on the holy straight and narrow.

Thanks to the time change, I'm still a bit off-schedule, so I was unable to stay up for the Housewives at 10 pm.  It's just as well, I lost entirely too many braincells to television yesterday.  I'm sure I'll have dozens of opportunities to catch up as Bravo is notorious for repeat episodes.  Andy?

Peace out, homies.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Daylight Saving Time Ends...

I'm happy to report that I had a very restful sleep last night and do not have any disturbing dreams to share.  I attribute this to the extra hour gained from the end of Daylight Saving Time.  What a wonderful gift concocted by our forefathers.  Too bad that extra hour will be spent trying to remember how to reset the clocks in my kitchen, car, living room, etc.  Maybe I will just leave them until spring and perform the mathematical conversion in my head.

Wacky dreams aside, I did run across the following disturbing headline in the Post and Courier yesterday:

Palin gets high approval rating - The overwhelming majority of South Carolina Republicans approve of Sarah Palin, and to a lesser degree Mitt Romney.

WTF?  Does everyone understand why I have a love/hate relationship with my state?  What if this starts to spread across the country, in the manner of a sweeping influenza pandemic?  Honestly, I think I might have to leave.  Does this qualify as a good reason to seek political asylum?  If anyone knows if their country will accept me as a refugee, please email me.  I would like to make my plans well in advance of 2012.

In other South Carolina news, the Gamecocks really stunk it up versus Arkansas last night.  The joke is on the Razorbacks though, as they still have to go back and live in Arkansas.  Where I'm sure Sarah Palin is even more popular.

Overall, I'm very disappointed with how the football season is winding down for my team.  The SEC East is coming down to next weekend's showdown with Florida.  And honestly, things are looking good for the Gators.  I'll refrain from any further discussion so as not to jinx South Carolina.  Damned Chicken Curse.

To make matters worse, Clemson came back and beat North Carolina State.

So no more football for another week.  I do have "Dexter" to look forward to tonight, along with "The Real Housewives of Atlanta", which is moving from Monday night.  I can hardly contain my excitement.

That's about the only thing to be excited about---I'm not feeling very upbeat about the upcoming work week.  Can last week's chaos and never-ending stream of conference calls continue?  Can I make it 5 days until my Friday evening meal at Long Point Grill?  Stay tuned...

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Samantha Fox

Yippee.  Another Saturday...

For the second night in a row, I had the type of dreams that make me suspect my dinner had been tainted with mind-altering substances.  Luckily, last night's episode was a little less terrifying, unless you find big 80's hair frightening.

In short, I was going to a concert, the type where legends of the past try to recapture their youth by performing their hits from previous decades.  My "legend" was Samantha Fox.

For all the young whippersnappers out there who may be unfamiliar with Ms. Fox, I'll provide a little background.  Samantha Fox was a British import who soared to popularity in the mid-1980's.  Long before the paparazzi captured Britney and Paris flashing their beavers, Samantha Fox was proudly displaying her ginormous jugs as a Page 3 girl in England.  Somehow this led to a singing career, and the rest is history.  It seems rather tame now, but at the time she was a bit scandalous.

Her first huge single was "Touch Me", and was followed by quality hits like "Naughty Girls (Need Love Too)".  The songs, her singing, and outfits were all a bit suspect, but the accompanying music videos were nothing short of soft-core porn for young adolescent boys.  I know what you're thinking, but I'm speaking of an era long before the Internet.

Getting back to my dream, Samantha Fox was performing her hit "Touch Me".  She was quite good, still looked, um, foxy (no pun intended), but had traded in her tarty bare-ass-ripped-jeans for a more conservative Alexis Carrington business suit.  She never really stayed on-stage, but instead mingled throughout the audience while performing.

She of course stopped with me and chatted me up a bit.  Luckily, I'm prepared even in my dreams, and I was able to produce a black Sharpie so that she could sign the Samantha Fox t-shirt I had purchased.  I also happened to be wearing a horizontal striped Polo shirt (which would never happen in reality).  I thought it would be perfect for her to sign in the white stripe, but she protested, saying (in a very sexy accent) that she could not deface Polo .

After the show, I got to go backstage, where I sat on a couch and had a long and meaningful conversation with Naomi Judd.

So below is the video that started it all.  Check out that hair...

In other Saturday news, I just returned from getting my car serviced.  I had my oil changed, tires aligned, and also discovered that my washer fluid pump needs replacing.  I cannot live without that, but the part is on order.  At least I know where I'll be next Saturday morning.

The whole trip took entirely too long, but the wait did give me the opportunity to run over to the neighboring McDonald's.  I've been looking for an excuse and opportunity to indulge in that BBQ-sauce-soaked mystery meat known as a McRib.

Can I hear a big McFuckYeah?!?!

Now I'm home and watching football.  Clemson is losing.  Good times.

Friday, November 5, 2010

Mr. Sandman...

...bring me an Ambien...

Happy Friday!

Is it just me, or was this week particularly exhausting?

I woke up 3 am from a horrible nightmare.  I was walking in a park in some unknown, strange town.  All of a sudden, residents were running down the street, screaming for everyone to run.  They were being chased by killer German Shepherds.  One of the killer dogs would catch a slow, fat person and begin feasting.  It was much more fast-paced than the zombie chases I've been watching recently, which made it all the more terrifying.

There was one headed my way, so I had to haul ass to the nearest pine tree.  It really pissed me off that there was not a tree with lower branches, so my climbing style was in the manner of a South Pacific islander climbing a coconut tree.  But less graceful.

The last few terrifying seconds were in slow motion, with me wondering if I had climbed high enough and out of reach of the approaching killer German Shepherd.

I couldn't go back to sleep after that, and the day has gone downhill ever since.

Society be damned, my tired ass will be in bed before 8 pm at this rate.  Tomorrow will be a busy day anyway, as I'm taking my car in for servicing and then parking myself on the sofa to watch football.

Good luck South Carolina versus Arkansas!  7 pm on ESPN.

Video of the Day

For those of you who might think my mad rapping skills are limited to "Fergalicious", I offer the following blast from the past. (I told you I was feeling a bit gangsta! Or something like that.)

And yes, I know every word. Can you believe Fred Durst was ever that skinny?

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Cats Beware

I just returned from my annual HOA meeting.

I was definitely not feeling shy this evening, and loved having a captive forum who had no choice but to listen to me bitch.  I cannot be certain that my voice was heard due to the fact that the majority of the population was a tad senior and therefore hard of hearing.  But I was still satisfied with my efforts.

Needless to say, all feral cats (and the residents who feed them) should beware. 

Yes, Mary, I'm talking to you.  Remember, you promised to stop feeding them in exchange for my vote.

You made a deal with the devil.

Former voice of Gamecocks dies | The Post and Courier, Charleston SC - News, Sports, Entertainment

This will strike a chord with anyone who grew up with Gamecock football...Rest In Peace, Bob Fulton.  Enjoy announcing in that big football stadium in the sky!

Former voice of Gamecocks dies The Post and Courier, Charleston SC - News, Sports, Entertainment

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Video of the Day

You've got no dignity, Muriel!

This is an oldie, but definitely a classic.  These two Aussies have come a long way since this clip...

Post Election Blues

It's the day after Election Day, and I feel painfully neglected because my phone is not ringing off the hook with political robo-calls.

Despite this depression, it's Wednesday, and here are my mid-week thoughts:

  • I became a bit burnt-out with election coverage last night, so I scraped the bottom of the television barrel and tuned into "Dancing With the Stars".  Kurt Warner-I have lost all respect for you.  You are officially a big pussy.  And I thought Gary Coleman died?  Or is it his twin who is still in the competition?  Not that I care.
  • Kathy Griffin has a new special currently airing on Bravo.  By 10 pm last night, I was pretty high on Ambien, but from what I recall, it was pretty funny.
  • Now that the election is over, have we heard the last from that psychotic preschool teacher Sarah Palin.  Or can we at least get a 2 month moratorium?  So far I've managed to honor my promise to not use the c- word on this blog.  I honestly cannot say how long that is going to last.
  • I live in South Carolina, so don't even get me started on election results.  Not that I'm afraid to offend anyone, I'm just over it.
I just want to take this opportunity to say hello to my new reader(s) in Denmark!!!!!!

I'd love to hear from all of my readers, domestic and international, so feel free to drop me a line or post a comment.  And don't forget to vote in my latest poll.

I will try to be more interesting tomorrow.  Any suggestions for my Video of the Day?  I'm feeling a bit gangsta....

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Rock the Vote!

I hope everyone exercised their RIGHT to vote today.  Now for the results to start rolling in.

Don't forget---if you somehow missed your chance, or are ineligible to vote in this country, there's still time to vote in my poll located to the right.  Your opinion counts.

Speaking of voting being a right and a privilege, I'm reminded of my time in Australia, and how voting there is compulsory.  They find it absurd that U.S. citizens would NOT vote.  Of course, that's an easy opinion to hold when your local officials would fine or imprison you for non-participation.  I still do not know what my opinion is regarding that policy.  I do think people should exercise their right (or shut the fuck up), but at the same time, it is a choice.  It's just a shame when that choice made due to laziness, and not out of conscious civic-mindedness, protest, or similar.

Readers from around the world, I'm interested to know your thoughts and opinions on this.

The Housewives were a Hotlanta mess last night.  NeNe and her Titties are still recovering from her surgery.  Last night, they went bra shopping.  I could have gone months without seeing that much NeNe.

Speaking of TMI, there was a whole lot of frank sex talk last night, most of it instigated by my favorite, Kandi.  Apparently, celibacy makes you want to about sex all the more.  Honestly though, the talk of vaginal insertion of sugar was a bit much.  Sounds sticky, and not sympathetic to the diabetic diet.

The only other interesting moment came when Kim took her youngest daughter furniture shopping.  In an attempt to determine what might best suit the daughter's decor (via hobbies, interests, etc), the sales clerk asked her what she likes.  The reply?  Fried chicken. 

Bless her heart.

Video of the Day

Just a little humor to take away the stress of Election Day and all the important political decisions we have to make.
Fantastic clip of Chelsea Handler mocking Rachel Zoe and her uber-important styling empire...

Monday, November 1, 2010

November 1st!

I cannot believe it's November!  And Monday again.

Tomorrow is Election Day.  I encourage all U.S. citizens to exercise their right to vote.  In order to provide extra practice, I'm starting a new poll.  Despite my dictatorial opinions, this blog is a product of democracy, so please participate.

There was a pretty poor showing by the Snee Farm trick-or-treaters last night.  I had 0.  I finally gave up all hope just before 9 pm and went up to watch "Dexter".  I was pretty disappointed, last year there seemed to be dozens of little ghosts and goblins knocking at my door.

I kept going outside to see if I could see any signs of life, but kept getting spooked.  I think all the scary movie viewings finally got to me.  I was expecting to see Michael Myers or similar rounding the corner.

Last night's episode of "Dexter" was excellent!  Lumen put on her best drag and went out clubbing, snagging one of her accused gang-rapists.  After taking the guy to a warehouse and shooting him (non-lethally), she panics and calls Dexter.  Dexter arrives and is furious with her for her display of blatant vigilante behavior, and is not completely convinced that the guy, who claims to be a dentist/husband/father, is guilty.  Long story short, they leave for a private conversation, come back and hear the guy talking on Lumen's cellphone to another one of the gang rapists.  He sealed his fate, and Dexter snaps his neck.  So at this point it looks like Dexter is agreeing to become Lumen's partner in crime.

Deb and Quinn are practically in love.  When did that happen?  I thought they were just boinking?  Gross.